How My Own boudoir Session Gone Wrong Led Me to Body Empowerment Done RIGHT…
A recent blog post shares in detail what initially sparked my enduring passion for body empowerment—if you haven’t already taken the time to read that article, I encourage you to check it out here! However, today, I wanted to delve a little deeper into my personal reflections and insights gained from my experience of being in front of the camera, as well as the emotions I felt while reviewing my gallery with the photographer, and the journey that unfolded afterward. It was a few years ago now that I made the important decision to book my session with a very talented local photographer, who was renowned for her skill in capturing stunning boudoir sessions in my area. I had been admiring her work from a distance for quite some time, but it wasn't until a familiar face appeared on my Facebook feed that I finally felt compelled to invest in a session for myself, despite the significant financial commitment it entailed. The photos I saw featured the goddess energy of a beautiful plus-sized woman, which resonated with me deeply. Even though our bodies were quite different, I was grappling with my own profound insecurities. I wouldn’t have described myself as “fat,” but my struggles with body dysmorphia during that period would have prevented me from agreeing with that statement. I had thick thighs, a rounded belly, and visible stretch marks that were boldly flaunting themselves, and the thought of it all terrified me. Nevertheless, that is precisely why I chose to book the session—it stemmed from a desire to confront my fears head-on. You see, my greatest motivation in life has always been my aversion to fear itself; there is truly nothing I fear MORE than fear, and this experience would be no exception.
Getting Ready
I made the most out of the entire process, fully embracing each moment. I went shopping with great enthusiasm and chose a few appealing lingerie items that made me feel confident and empowered. My sister and I then decided to indulge ourselves with manicures, taking the time to pamper ourselves and enjoy the day together. In preparation for the session, I practiced a bunch in front of my own phone camera, attempting to get comfortable with the idea of being a little uncomfortable. The truth is, I was fine. In fact, I was more than fine; I felt a sense of excitement bubbling beneath the surface. When I showed up to my session wearing sweatpants and a baggy shirt, I felt relaxed and at ease. I was advised not to wear tight-fitting clothes because they would leave marks on my body, making the editing process more challenging.
As I walked into the gorgeous brick room, I was greeted by a beautifully made-up bed, a lovely sofa, and a very large, ornate gold mirror that added a touch of elegance to the space. They offered me a refreshing mimosa and seated me in a stylish chair for hair and makeup. The hair and makeup artist was truly fantastic—remarkably talented and incredibly personable. I truly felt pampered and cared for as she worked her magic. When hair and makeup were complete, they both left the room momentarily while I changed into my first outfit. Standing tall in my heels in front of that stunning gold mirror, I couldn’t believe my own eyes. I felt incredible! I LOOKED incredible. My confidence surged, so much so that I grabbed my phone and quickly snapped a few of my own photos before the photographer returned. When she did come back, she proved to be the best hype gal ever. She showered me with so much positivity, reminding me that I was sexy, beautiful, and that I looked absolutely amazing. In that moment, I truly believed her!
The Session
At this point, I was completely ready—hair perfectly styled, makeup flawlessly applied, lingerie carefully chosen, and my confidence in full bloom. She started the session by having me lay on the bed, which was beautifully made up with crisp white sheets that added a touch of elegance to the atmosphere. She was a true professional, skillfully articulating exactly how to position my body and ensuring I understood every assignment with ease. Eventually, my brain and body responded in sync, and I knew exactly what to do because I was riding high off of life and truly just FEELING myself in that moment. I had never experienced anything so empowering in my entire life. I had never been so vulnerable—especially not in front of a stranger! This transformative experience lit me up from the inside out and instilled a sense of power and confidence within myself that I will never forget. This photographer, both as a talented artist and encouraging hype gal, was simply top-notch.
The Reveal
It took perhaps a few hours after I finally left the studio before I received an exciting sneak peek of my photos. This sneak peek consisted of two side-by-side images—one showcasing the original photo, untouched and raw, before any editing took place, while the other displayed the beautifully enhanced version after the meticulous editing process. I was honestly so pleased with both images that I just couldn’t wait to see the rest of the collection! At the same time, I was confident that the final results would indeed be well worth the wait and the building anticipation. A few weeks later, the photographer reached out to let me know that my gallery was ready, and we promptly set up a time to meet in person to go over the photos, discuss the options, and decide which ones I wanted to purchase. This would naturally cost even more money, but in the heat of the moment, I found myself thrilled with what I saw on her computer screen. I looked beautiful! In the end, I made the decision to purchase the entire gallery, feeling elated about capturing those cherished moments.
Delivery:
Once I received the much-anticipated gallery link, I took the time to carefully look over each individual photo, analyzing every detail. While at first glance the images appeared to be absolutely stunning and visually captivating, the thing I realized, almost suddenly, is that they didn’t actually look like the true version of ME at all. The moment this thought entered my mind, something shifted so significantly that I couldn't ignore it, and it left me feeling somewhat unsettled. As a photographer myself, and one who is also well-versed in the intricate process of editing, I couldn’t help but notice that there was quite a bit more editing in these photos than most non-photographer clients would ever notice or even consider. But these editing choices stood out so clearly to me that I would never be able to see anything in those images besides those obvious edits. It turns out that I wasn’t as slim as the images made me appear, and it wasn’t as simple as asking her to remove the offending photos from my gallery…
Her mission statement:
“Helping women embrace their TRUE beauty” was what appealed to me the most and provided the very phrase that sealed the deal for me, especially when it was paired with what seemed to be solid evidence in the images of the so-called “plus-sized goddess.” I entered into this contract with certain expectations and hopes. I chose this particular photographer because I wanted to embrace my true beauty and celebrate who I am. I trusted her because her statement assured me that I wouldn’t have to change a thing about me—meaning that she would take beautiful photos of the already beautiful ME, just exactly as I was. I paid a significant amount of money to capture a proud, confident, and BRAVE version of ME and all that I represented—entering the process with the belief that I was already beautiful. But upon viewing these images, I found they were heavily airbrushed, leaving no trace of a single stretch mark or freckle—just swirling questions of whether or not it was actually MY body being portrayed. The editing slimmed a thick gal down so much that I was no longer portrayed as curvy; I was transformed into a skinny, brittle Ariel with pointy elbows and perfectly smooth, unblemished skin, which felt both alienating and perplexing.
The Conversation:
The anxious version of myself was utterly terrified to be completely honest with the photographer. I harbored a deep fear that openly speaking my truth might make me come across as overly dramatic or even ungrateful, especially since I had already shared how wonderful the actual experience was—and I truly still stand by that sentiment. However, in this particular instance, I perceived the experience and the final product as two distinctly separate investments. I had paid for the enjoyable experience, and then I made another payment for the gallery. While I was ultimately satisfied with the experience itself, I found myself profoundly unsatisfied with the final product. Moreover, I was immensely disappointed by the realization that her mission statement appeared to be nothing more than a marketing tool designed to attract clients. I mustered the courage to express these feelings to her, and she clarified that she does not personally edit her own photos; instead, she hires someone else to handle that task.
The Conclusion:
The photographer truly deserves all the praise and hype she receives for her exceptional work. From the very beginning to the final moments, she was nothing short of incredible and dedicated, and the investment involved in the services she provided was undoubtedly well worth it. In her presence, I felt beautiful, sexy, confident, and empowered in ways I had not anticipated. She played a significant role in helping me embrace my true beauty, which is a remarkable gift. However, the challenge arose when she was paired with an individual who did not align with her inspiring mission statement. This disconnect left me feeling as though I wasn’t enough once again. The concern with editing and heavily altering someone’s images is that it can ultimately strip away the essence of the person altogether. Each of us possesses signature features—characteristics that make us recognizable and truly unique. For me, those features have always included my distinctive auburn hair, my crooked teeth, my charming freckles, and my curvy physique. While I have always adored the character of The Little Mermaid, the only aspect we share is the hair. If my freckles and curves were taken away, you would have essentially created an entirely different person. The product I was anticipating was a genuine photo documentation of the present version of ME, captured in a way that highlighted my confidence and served as a powerful reminder that every body is beautifully and perfectly imperfect.
The Take Away:
At the end of the day, after engaging in a considerable amount of self-reflection and contemplation regarding this particular experience, I ultimately came to terms with the profound realization that beauty truly lies in the eyes of the beholder. It is impossible for me to force other individuals to perceive my beauty as I do, but what I can do is learn from this experience and cultivate my own belief in myself, even in the face of skepticism from others. The reality is that we cannot hope to satisfy everyone’s expectations or perceptions. From the perspective of a photographer, and as a human being in general, it has genuinely become my mission to capture the true essence of every person who finds themselves standing in front of my lens. This is not only my mission to empower the individuals I photograph and everyone I encounter along the way, but it also serves as a means for me to empower myself on this incredible journey. Furthermore, I bear witness to the undeniable fact that beauty exists within each and every one of us, waiting to be discovered.
My Mission Statement and my promise to you:
My role is to assist you in understanding and recognizing your unique features, while capturing the moment you embrace and cherish every single part of who YOU are—even when others may see you as less than perfect.